my life sucks

My life fucking sucks. I mean at this moment, not always ofcourse. 

Actually, most times everything is allright, I really don’t need to complain. I really don’t want to pay too much attention to the bad feelings I often have.  I can feel so completely lost in my sadness.  But as long as I still feel emotions,  nothing bad is going on. You really  got a problem when you loose contact with emotions. I can tell, I have been there, you know. (that's what I tell you in my song "Beggars".) 

Me, looking in the mirror in a toilet

Why I am writing this down is because I find myself writing a new song and again this song is about how life really is: it can be freaking hard but please, take it as easy as possible, let me hug you because everything is about LOVE. Don’t let your MIND telling fucking lies to your HEART!  

Love, I hate that word. The most cliche thing I ever heard. 

But still. After half of a century living on this earth ( am I dreaming?) I can only admitt that’s all about love. I have been struggling with this fact because I am cynical and down to earth. But feeling that you are beloved, feeling you love somebody, that people like you and that you can be who you really are, are the most important things to experience.  I wrote some songs about what ’s really going on in my life: I know nothing and that’s for sure. I even don't know anything about love. What I know is that I am the witness of being ME.  People in the audience tell me that these kind of songs of mine comfort them. I think that's important and I am happy I can give this comfort. But...

Well, and how about me, myself? I am stucked in mental depressions, I go up and down, up and down and I hardly talk about it. But what do I do? Yes. I write songs. To myself. To tell myself what’s going on. So I wrote this summer ‘Changed” and “Blue Rain”. And now I write a song telling myself that everything is alright. “Walk with me and let it go”.  I write these kind of songs and I should listen more to myself when I sing them... to me. To you. Those words are for you. And me. Best songs are written in hard times. 

Okay, my life sucks. I see many things happening around me. I am not talking about the political rubbish. I am talking about personal histories. My pupils, just young children and their families.

My own kids. Neighbors, friends. What’s going on?

Everything will pass. Every cloud comes and goes. Still. I feel this pain in my body. Everywhere. This sadness. This feeling of: why was I born anyways? It’s all to difficult for me. All this shit.

Don’t worry about me. I know myself very well. I will survive. Anything. So will you.

And at least, I got my music. And I need to share it.